omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
