I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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