To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
