Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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