turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
