$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
