help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
