All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize