no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
