was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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