the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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