We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize