24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
