This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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