i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
