I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
