I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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