If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
