he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i think my cat just said my name.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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