I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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