I think my vagina is haunted
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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