He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
