So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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