you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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