did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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