Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
