can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I fill condoms, not promises.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
