i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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