Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
