I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
