I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
There's always time for handjobs
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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