Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
