Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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