so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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