You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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