They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
