If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
