i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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