I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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