Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
