if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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