I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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