Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
nutella sex= disaster
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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