I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
