I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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