I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
