Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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