Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
