I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
