awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
