I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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