yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
