$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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