"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
