All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
