The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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