god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
