i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
