Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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