Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
