he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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