Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
