I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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