everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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