im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
