just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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