I love black thongs
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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