we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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