You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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