its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
